A Word About Courage

I wanted to take a minute to talk about courage. Last week, I booked my airfare reservations. Something about putting the non-refundable tickets on my credit card made it real, not just part of my imagination. The commitment has been made and I'll admit, it's scary. Once you make a stand for something you believe in, there's no turning back. There's no safety net, no way to say, "Never mind that, I want to return to my safe little corner in the world." 

I have received many supportive comments from friends about how the decision to take this trip is courageous. I am thankful for them all, because it's this encouragement that keeps me going. I'm also incredibly touched and inspired by their own acts of courage they've shared. Such as: 

• Theresa who decided it was time to submit her graduate application and follow her bliss. Go Theresa!
• Stacie who took time away from her family and traveled thousands of miles from her safety net to support her best friend in Australia. 

To be honest, I don't know how courageous my trip is. It may seem like a 'big' decision, but it is no more courageous than the little decisions we are faced with every day. Courage lies in little acts of faith. It is in the heart of actions such as choosing to invest time in ourselves, speaking our truth to those we care about at the risk of rejection, or standing up to jobs, friendships or relationships that no longer meet our needs. 

It takes courage every time we are challenged to believe we are worthy enough to allow our dreams become reality instead of letting our doubts kill them slowly. It's easy to return to something that's comfortable but not satisfying. It takes courage to believe we are capable and deserving of so much more.

But here's one thing no one will tell you about living with determination and courage: it can be a lonely place. As soon as we make the leap, someone will be there to tell you why it shouldn't or couldn't be done. Or worst, those closest to us may not understand or be able to provide the support we need. One of my friends, upon hearing my decision, told me that instead of spending money on my trip, I should invest it in real estate. I've had former work colleagues try to tempt me away with well-paying job opportunities. Certain personal relationships have suffered dearly over this decision.

When you start living courageously, some people just won't be able to accompany you on your journey. And that's okay, because others will show up to join you and lift you up.

Thank you to all of you that have joined me and whose daily acts of courage continually inspire and amaze me. 

Lost in Emotion

I must admit, I wasn't ready for this. Despite the last 3 months spent prepping, talking, dreaming (and losing sleep) about this idea of mine, the moment I made it "real" I was overcome by emotions. Overcome by joy, support, excitement and yes, the dreaded terrifying, don't-look-under-the-bed because-there-may-be-monsters sort of fear.

The support and encouragement I have received over the past week has touched me immensely. Every comment, email or offer of assistance from friends, friends-of-friends and even a few strangers has helped me feel I am on the right path. It's also helped me realize that I've been fortunate over the years to meet such an incredible group of people that I truly love and cherish. Which is perhaps where some of the fear comes from - there's a desire not to let people down, not to let my friends down, not to let myself down. 

While on the exterior, I've tried hard to tell myself that everything will work itself out, the truth of it is I don't know how everything will work itself out.  Of course, there's the security-minded part of me that worries a lot. I'm a middle-aged woman with no safety net. Will I run out of money, find a job when I return, be forced to sell my house, my car and give up my coveted parking space? (Some may laugh, but those in San Francisco will appreciate.) 

But beyond the fear of failure is the fear of not living up to one's potential. What if it is wonderful beyond my dreams? Could I give up my day job? How will it change my life when I return? Will I want to return? Am I really ready to accept it being (gulp) successful? 

And yet the fear that keeps me motivated is the fear of regret. I don't want to be lying on my death bed or in an office cubicle in a year from now, kicking myself for not doing something 100% authentically "me". Darn it, if I fail and the world rejects me, please let it be for the real me.

As I sort through the emotions of the past week, I realize it's okay to have fear. Maybe the best course is to live in the present, place it in perspective, and take small steps to work through the doubt. After all, small steps are what got me here. First I shared the idea with one friend, and then with a few friends, and before I knew it, strangers. As I became more confident, I made small decisions to support the dream. I turned down potential job opportunities, traded nights out with friends for nights working on the website, and spent money to support the project versus money to support my lifestyle. Before I knew it, I was committed to its completion. It wasn't always easy or comfortable, but it moved me forward in the direction of my dream. 

Que Sera Sera means whatever will be will be. For the next few months, I'm going to practice doing exactly that: living in the moment, taking the ups with the downs, and allowing myself to acknowledge my doubts, while taking those tiny steps closer to my goals. Yep, take that fear.

In the meantime, I am so thankful for all the support, love (and patience) of my friends. After all, a safety net isn't a bank account, a real estate investment or lucrative stock options. It's people that support you and stick with you through it all, good and bad, even when you're hiding from scary monsters...

Fear can be a scary thing. Share your comments. Tell me how you conquer it.